My mom passed away fairly recently. It was after a long battle with lung cancer, of which we knew about for 6 days. Somehow all the doctors and hospitals, and the multiple diagnostic tests that were run for months all missed the cancer each time. They attributed her rapidly declining health to COPD. Finally 6 days before she died, we found out what was really making her so sick and tired. Advanced lung cancer and superior vena cava syndrome.
Mom was a strong woman, so close to death yet she pushed herself and didn’t complain. She’d say she was “tired,” when others would have been on the floor crying. And she just finished up 6 weeks of pulmonary rehab, which didn’t help at all. Gee, wonder why? Yeah, guess I’m a little bitter about the whole thing and how the medical community let us down.
But this isn’t a post about that. Rather I wanted to talk about how very lucky I was to have been able to know her, to love her, and especially live near her in her last few years. And how I miss my mom. I miss being able to run important decisions by her. I miss being able to get her honest opinion about things. I miss hearing her cheer me on when she believed in what I was doing. My mom was so wise, and almost always nearly right (even though I didn’t see it that way every time). And probably the most honest and moral person I have ever known.
But I think best of all, no matter what, I knew that she loved me. It didn’t matter what I had done or said or the mistakes I made, she loved me unconditionally. And that feels good, to know someone loves you despite your downfalls and failings, even through your mistakes and screw-ups. Even if she didn’t approve of something I was doing, I still knew I was loved. That was a true blessing and gift, and one I hope to pass on also to my daughters. I want to pass on that same enduring love, so my daughters know that always and forever their “momma” loves them.
The bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:13, “So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” Thanks for always loving me, Mom!