Where do I Draw the Line?

Being a parent isn’t always easy; heck, it’s rarely easy. Especially, I think, when we talk about teenagers. One challenge is knowing where to draw the line between letting kids make their own decisions (and mistakes), versus stepping in and laying down the law. Here’s an example.

My oldest daughter, God bless her, is focused on and determined to get as much college completed in high school as possible. This so she will have less time needed to complete her education after high school, thus saving her parents lots of money in tuition, and lessening her need for student loans, etc. And whatever else may be her motivation (she’s a very private person), she is strong-minded and resolved. She attends an Early College High School.

The curriculum and homework by itself is enough to be rigorous to most kids, but she also participates in competitive gymnastics. She is a level 7 optional gymnast. Which means she practices – a lot!

It is the combination of both that is my worry, as it is too heavy a load. Staying up until 2am to get it all done isn’t the answer, as she is becoming more and more sleep deprived, and I worry that she will injure herself or become sick. So as a parent, where do I draw the line?

I admire her tenacity to get a good education and I feel proud that she is so dedicated. And while I don’t think gymnastics is as crucial as her education, it is still important. She’s building strength, flexibility, and coordination, and it is a physical release for her of some of the stresses in her life. She also LOVES it.

So how do I respond to this situation when I see the toil this heavy load takes on her life? Do I suggest she go to an easier school that will still provide her a good education? Or do I tell her to back off of gymnastics and not worry about her competitions? Do I insist in one or the other? Where exactly is that parenting line – where I let her make her own decisions versus where I step in and make the decision for her?

I want to be a supportive, loving parent that does the right thing for my kids. I just wish it were easier to know exactly what that is.

Letting Go - Kids Under Construction

One thing I think everyone can agree on, parenting is hard work. Oh, sometimes you'll see someone who is a natural when it comes to parenting; they seem to always have the right answer to every dilemma that presents itself and the perfect solution for familial harmony. I remember my Aunt soothing my infant baby so effortlessly – a natural if ever I saw one. And some parents know just how to instill responsibility in their children – almost instinctively.

But they are the rarities.

As with many folks, my experience with parenting has been learned on the job, and frankly, I've made some mistakes. Sometimes I come out the wiser, but other times it's a lesson needing relearned. And one of the most difficult aspects of parenting for me is letting go.

Let me explain.

If kids just came with a guarantee, that would be swell. Guaranteed to grow to a ripe old age, stay healthy, with no broken bones and scraped knees, no problems with drug abuse or worries about crime – well, parents would be free to let their kids do and go just about anywhere (they would still need to look out for their spiritual health, but that's for another discussion).

This may sound crazy, but I remember the first time some neighborhood kids came to the door asking if my kids could go outside and play. Up until then, I had scheduled all of their play dates. It threw me for a loop and I believe I even stuttered. My kids go outside and play? With other kids that I didn't know well (we were new to the neighborhood)? Without me? But I did let them go out and play.

I think it's important to let go. Let them live and try not to be too overly protective – you know, swallow that lump of worry and try not to fret. Kids are still under construction, and it's important they have real life experiences.

So I do let my kids go to sleepovers and weekend camping trips. They can walk or ride their bike to school, play outside, and generally do most of the things I did growing up, with some exceptions to accommodate for this different day and age.

But this most recent experience of letting go is harder. One of my kids is going away this summer. To camp, far away, and for two weeks. As the time draws nearer, I can't help but think about how much I will miss her and how much I will worry. I'll worry if she packed everything she needs, if she's feeling OK, and if it's warm enough or too hot. I'll wonder if she's made friends and is having fun. I'll fret about whether she's eating well, if she took enough money, or if she experiences difficulties at the airport.

And I will celebrate when she comes home.

Ultimately, I know this is a good and tremendous growth experience for her and I am delighted she is going. And bottom line – I trust her and I know she has a good head on her shoulders.

I wish her a wonderful time!

Making the Most of Your Parent-Teacher Conference

Having just completed a parent-teacher conference, these tips are fresh in mind to help make the most of your conference time.

• First off - go. I've heard some parents claim they do not need to have a parent-teacher conference because their child is doing so well in school. It may be true that you won't have a lot to talk about then, but not going at all sends the wrong message to the kids (and their teachers). Schooling your children is a joint effort between teacher and parents, so at the least, the parent needs to show up.
• Talk to your kids first. Find out if they are experiencing any problems at school, whether it be in the classroom or outside, or if they have any questions or concerns.
• Make a list. Write down questions you want to ask the teacher as you think of them and prior to the conference, then take the list with you. The teacher has set aside this time to talk to you specifically, so make sure you get all your questions answered.
• Be on time. I can't tell you how many times I've had to wait for my conference because the teacher was behind schedule. This is usually due to someone being late for a conference earlier in the day, setting the whole schedule behind.
• Make an action plan if necessary. Make sure you leave the conference with a clear understanding of any action you need to take at home to reinforce your child's learning at school.
  

Like most of us, teachers are busier than ever. Planning in advance will help maximize your time, as well as the teacher's, helping to ensure the best education for your child.

What are some of the things you do to prepare for a parent-teacher conference?