Where do I Draw the Line?

Being a parent isn’t always easy; heck, it’s rarely easy. Especially, I think, when we talk about teenagers. One challenge is knowing where to draw the line between letting kids make their own decisions (and mistakes), versus stepping in and laying down the law. Here’s an example.

My oldest daughter, God bless her, is focused on and determined to get as much college completed in high school as possible. This so she will have less time needed to complete her education after high school, thus saving her parents lots of money in tuition, and lessening her need for student loans, etc. And whatever else may be her motivation (she’s a very private person), she is strong-minded and resolved. She attends an Early College High School.

The curriculum and homework by itself is enough to be rigorous to most kids, but she also participates in competitive gymnastics. She is a level 7 optional gymnast. Which means she practices – a lot!

It is the combination of both that is my worry, as it is too heavy a load. Staying up until 2am to get it all done isn’t the answer, as she is becoming more and more sleep deprived, and I worry that she will injure herself or become sick. So as a parent, where do I draw the line?

I admire her tenacity to get a good education and I feel proud that she is so dedicated. And while I don’t think gymnastics is as crucial as her education, it is still important. She’s building strength, flexibility, and coordination, and it is a physical release for her of some of the stresses in her life. She also LOVES it.

So how do I respond to this situation when I see the toil this heavy load takes on her life? Do I suggest she go to an easier school that will still provide her a good education? Or do I tell her to back off of gymnastics and not worry about her competitions? Do I insist in one or the other? Where exactly is that parenting line – where I let her make her own decisions versus where I step in and make the decision for her?

I want to be a supportive, loving parent that does the right thing for my kids. I just wish it were easier to know exactly what that is.

Your Story - A Poem

Recently, my daughter was given an assignment to write a poem following the format of the Mother to Son poem by Langston Hughes. The theme was "life" and metaphor was required. What she wrote is so beautiful, that I had to share it here.

Your Story

by Katherine Tuttle

Well, Grace, I'll tell you:
Life is your story written in ink.
It has misspelled words,
And pages missing.
There will be times when you don't know what to write,
And there will be times when your pen runs out of ink -
Dry.
But don't quit writing.
I've been correcting my mistakes,
And I've been turning and filling up my pages.
Keep writing because if you do,
You will be able to cross out your mistakes, or tear out the page,
And start the chapter over again.
Grace, don't stop writing.
Don't let the jumbled sentences get in your way.
Keep going.
Don't let your story be unfinished.
Don't put your pen down yet
Because your story is still ahead of you.
That is life, your story written in ink.

Christmas International House - Day 1; Welcome

This year, my family and I participated in Christmas International House (CIH), a program designed to provide homes over the holidays for international students attending stateside universities. Colleges close over the holidays and many students cannot afford to go home. Through the Christian ministry of CIH, host families open their homes to these students, developing friendships, exchanging ideas, and cultivating peace with people from countries with different cultures.

So many people have asked me about the program that I thought I’d share a day-by-day review here on the blog. I hope that it will answer questions for anyone contemplating the program, and provide insight for me as to future participation. I welcome and encourage comments and questions from those seeking more information, or from anyone who has a similar story to tell.

Day 1
After a day postponement due to an overbooked Greyhound bus, our student arrives.  She looks much like the picture she sent ahead of arrival, only she’s tired after the very long ride from the University of Missouri. Friendly and pleasant, the family likes her immediately. Her English is good.

Our student, Ren Zhe, just barely has time to unpack and shower before we're off to the opening dinner for host families and students. Held at a church, the food was Japanese and very delicious. Families and students had the opportunity to meet and interact. We sang Christmas carols and Santa visited with a gift for each student. Then we broke into teams and had a Gingerbread House building contest. Ours didn’t win, but we sure had fun trying.

Ren Zhe is from China. I learned that there is no English equivalent to Zhe. It sounds something like Gya or Djyal (with the d and l very subtle). I don’t know if I’ll ever pronounce her name correctly.

Making the Most of Your Parent-Teacher Conference

Having just completed a parent-teacher conference, these tips are fresh in mind to help make the most of your conference time.

• First off - go. I've heard some parents claim they do not need to have a parent-teacher conference because their child is doing so well in school. It may be true that you won't have a lot to talk about then, but not going at all sends the wrong message to the kids (and their teachers). Schooling your children is a joint effort between teacher and parents, so at the least, the parent needs to show up.
• Talk to your kids first. Find out if they are experiencing any problems at school, whether it be in the classroom or outside, or if they have any questions or concerns.
• Make a list. Write down questions you want to ask the teacher as you think of them and prior to the conference, then take the list with you. The teacher has set aside this time to talk to you specifically, so make sure you get all your questions answered.
• Be on time. I can't tell you how many times I've had to wait for my conference because the teacher was behind schedule. This is usually due to someone being late for a conference earlier in the day, setting the whole schedule behind.
• Make an action plan if necessary. Make sure you leave the conference with a clear understanding of any action you need to take at home to reinforce your child's learning at school.
  

Like most of us, teachers are busier than ever. Planning in advance will help maximize your time, as well as the teacher's, helping to ensure the best education for your child.

What are some of the things you do to prepare for a parent-teacher conference?

Hooky Day – A Mother/Daughter Tradition

With less than six weeks left of school, it's time now to start planning my annual Hooky Day with the kids.

"What is Hooky Day?" you ask (everyone does, adults and kids alike).

Hooky Day is an event where I celebrate with each of my children individually their success at school. Taken towards the end of the school year, it is a reward for their hard work and diligence, and for missing minimal classes throughout the year. Both girls are A/B students, complete and turn in their homework on time, take school seriously, and have fun!

Hooky Day started out as a day for mom and daughter to do some summer shopping, have lunch, and bond. The day has catapulted into an exciting, fun-filled, sometimes educational annual event that both mom and daughter excitedly anticipate. This year is no exception.

Older daughter and I plan to attend Edwards Houston Marq*e 23 & IMAX. The date and movie is yet to be determined, but the day will include lunch and shopping. Younger daughter and I plan to go to the Houston Museum of Natural Science, where we will see the science exhibits, as well as visit the Cockrell Butterfly Center and Wortham IMAX Theatre.

Does Hooky Day work to motivate my kids to do better in school? It's hard to say. But it does reward the girls for their efforts and provide us with quality time together that is just ours and very special. Hooky Day in the Tuttle household has fast become a mother/daughter tradition.

By the way, I didn't come up with Hooky Day on my own. I remember fondly the times my mother kept me home from school for a special day of shopping and lunch in Vincennes, Indiana.

I've heard of parents paying their kids for every A on a report card or taking them out for a special dinner. What are some of the things you've done to reward your kids for a job well done? What works for you and what doesn't? Please share your thoughts in the comments.

Lest I Forget Friday

A variety of information and topics to share with you

Most of you probably already know, but in case you don't, the Shell Houston Open is in full swing. Held at the Redstone Golf Club – Tournament Course, many charities benefit annually from this event. This year, parents and teachers from Maplebrook Elementary school are staffing the concession booth at the 16^th hole. The funds they raise will benefit the school, so stop by if you're in the area.

I'm very excited to announce that I recently signed up to participate in 31 Days to Build a Better Blog presented by Darren Rowse of ProBlogger. It's a 31 day project to improve your blog through theory and assignments, and it begins on April 6^th. Fingers crossed for some exciting upcoming blog enhancements!

Which leads me to my next topic. If you are a repeat visitor to this blog, you may have noticed a different look – and that is the addition of google ads. So tell me, like 'em or leave 'em? Are they a distraction or not? If I get feedback they're bad, then they're outta here!

If you haven't visited my newly launched blog Hope and Faith, then I invite you to visit and share your thoughts on novel prologues. Do you like them or not, and why or why not? I'd like to get some lively discussion and opinions on the subject, so please feel free to share.

Stay tuned for more information about a potential new blog launch containing valuable information that will help business development professionals, particularly when it comes to cold calling. Brrr, the word itself makes some professionals shiver. I'm in talks with some folks about making this happen, and I'll keep you posted here.

Finally, on a very happy note, I am pleased to announce that despite the heavy rains and hail hurled at earth and in Texas this week, our garden fares well. We've enjoyed radish that is so much tastier than the grocery store variety, and look forward to more tasty treats soon!

Have a great weekend!

It's Lemonade Time

I was let go on a job once in 1986, and then again twenty-two years later... in fact, 2008 - just this week. It's not that I haven't changed jobs in that span of twenty-two years, but it was always a decision on my part and not something in which I had no control. Being let go brings about an odd mix of feelings.

There were certainly differences in the two scenario's. Twenty-two years ago I worked for a company that gave me ample notice that it was coming, sufficient notice to start making plans and to get ready. They also offered a decent severance package. This week I went into the office on Tuesday and was home at noon. No notice. Certainly no package.

While I've been adjusting to the various emotions that come with being let go, and trying to put panic aside, I remembered a college paper I wrote following that layoff twenty-two years ago, and I dug it out. I'll share it here.


























Here's the full text (3 hand-written pages), retyped so as to be readable...

Turning a Lemon into Lemonade

Most people look at a layoff as a terrible, drastic, and uprooting experience in their lives. I, on the other hand, have squeezed the lemon to make lemonade. I have turned my layoff into a new beginning, a new opportunity.

In January of 1984, I began working for a large, independent oil company here in Houston. I was a secretary for the Property Acquisition and Planning Departments. Faced with an upcoming divorce, this job turned out to be my only security in this unstable world. It provided a steady income, friends, and the belief that I could make it on my own. It gave me the courage to go on with my life and seemed, at that time, to be the only thing I truly could count on. My job was my rock, my life.

One day in July 1985 with no forewarning whatsoever, a bulletin was posted announcing the unanticipated and petrifying fact that the oil company was for sale. Suddenly my security was being threatened. Who’s going to buy us and what will they do?

Bulletins were posted regularly, each one spawning new rumors. Who’s evaluating us now? Where are they from? Will they keep us as employees? Some of the employees hoped the French company would buy us, others hoped for the Australian company, but all employees hoped for the company that would keep us most intact.

Days turned to weeks. Weeks turned to months. There was a feeling of panic and uncertainty in the air, but finally, an agreement was reached. Monsanto Oil Company would be sold to BHP Petroleum (Americas) effective December 20, 1985.

Relief swept over the office. The question of who would buy us was answered. It was the Australian company, a favorite of many of the employees. For the first time in months we were able to smile at each other. Soon we would all know the fate of our jobs.

Unfortunately, soon was not nearly soon enough. Again, days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months. The rumor wagon began rolling again, only this time it appeared more frequently. The atmosphere was one of dreaded anticipation. I was on the verge of losing my security. What would I do? What could I do?

Bulletins, again, appeared regularly. To my disappointment, they rarely answered my questions or eased my fears. One bulletin claimed that over three hundred would be laid off.

I was overwhelmed with panic. I knew that I did not want to be a secretary for the rest of my life, but what did I want to be?

Several days passed as I began searching for an answer. I realized then that there were many directions I could take at this point in my life, but as long as I let panic dominate my thoughts it would be hard, maybe impossible, to concentrate on only one direction. What I had to do was take charge of the situation. I had to make some real decisions and set some goals. What I had to do was squeeze the lemon.

On May 8, 1986, the inevitable layoff came. I was in the group of people laid off, but I had a smile on my face. I smiled because I was no longer feeling despondent. Instead, my life was moving forward.

Time again to squeeze the lemon. What do you do to turn negative situations to positive? Any tips you care to share?

September Happenings

I've been a little slow with my blog postings since August vacation and then back to school. I am happy to say that life is beginning to settle down and fall into a routine, so hopefully the posts will get back to a more regular schedule.

In the meantime, I wanted to share with you some of my plans for September posts. First, be watching for a review of the book The Faith of Barack Obama by Stephen Mansfield. I received a free book at From Where I Sit, which is the blog of Michael S. Hyatt, Thomas Nelson Publishers President & CEO. In return, I agreed to post a 200-word minimum book review on my blog. What a great marketing concept for book authors.

I mentioned in a previous post that I was working on a very late letter writing short-story project for my writers group, Humble Fiction Café. I am happy to report that I should have a rough draft ready soon. Once critiqued by the group, I will make it available to read. It's been a challenge as I am attempting genre that I have not written before. We will see how it works and I'll look forward to your comments as well.

Finally, one of my daughter's teachers shared a poem with me entitled Unity, by Cleo V. Swarat. I'd like to share it with you.

Unity
Cleo V. Swarat

I dreamed I stood in a studio
And watched two sculptors there,
The clay they used was a young child's mind
And they fashioned it with care.

One was a teacher:
the tools she used were books and music and art;
One was a parent
With a guiding hand and gentle loving heart.

And when at last their work was done,
They were proud of what they had wrought.
For the things they had worked into the child
Could never be sold or bought!

And each agreed she would have failed
if she had worked alone.
For behind the parent stood the school,
and behind the teacher stood the home!

We Saved Humble ISD High School Gymnastics!

In a recent post, I asked readers to sign a petition to save High School gymnastics within the Humble ISD. I am pleased to announce that Humble gymnastics were saved, so thank you to everyone that signed the petition. The electronic petition received 2983 signatures, and there were another approximately 2000 names on paper that were submitted to the school board.

Humble ISD – Important Information

The Humble ISD has decided not to fund high school gymnastics next year in spite of the fact that Humble High and Kingwood High have consistently earned countless titles and national rankings. It has been one of the most continually successful sports in the history of Humble ISD, and it has produced excellent student athletes, many of which have GPA's over 4.0 and have earned Academic Scholarships. There are two things we can do.

First, is to sign a petition at http://www.savehumbleisdgymnastics.com/ asking the board to reconsider their decision. Please don't sign it "anonymous" as I've been told those signatures won't count.

Second, you can attend the Humble ISD board meeting tonight at 7:00pm to support our gymnasts, coaches and parents.

Thank you!

It Finally Happened

It finally happened. At the beginning of this school year, I posted a blog entry voicing my concerns over my daughter’s elementary school not issuing take home textbooks to its 5th grade population (see post entitled Wanting What’s Best for Our Kids). Following the blog, I received numerous comments and assurance from teachers, parents, and administrators not to worry, that they knew what they were doing and it would be ok. My daughter will still receive a good education I was told.

Initially, I asked my daughter to save every piece of schoolwork she did and to keep it in a binder. When the need to reference the binder did not occur, I gradually became more and more comfortable with the idea of no take home class books. Maybe this was working. Maybe the students only needed a classroom copy of the textbooks.

Until last night. My daughter brought home work last night that is typically done in the classroom. And why is it done in the classroom you might ask? Because it is a series of science-related questions that she is to look up and answer from the textbook! Evidently they ran out of time to do the work in class, and so the work was assigned as homework. Did the teacher forget? We have no textbook at home!

My daughter is fortunate in that we have a computer at home. Together we were able to research and answer the questions using the internet. I don’t know what students without home computers did to complete their assignment. The questions were difficult…

Draw and label the constellation Ursa Major.
What is the difference between a meteoroid and a comet?
What are two methods of describing brightness in a star?

The only question I could answer for certain without researching on the computer was the name of our galaxy… the Milky Way.

So needless to say, I’m once again disturbed by the decision not to issue textbooks. And while the occasion where my daughter has needed a textbook at home has been limited, I can only believe that the value in having a book at home is the additional resource it provides for learning. And isn’t that what school is supposed to be all about? Learning?

Wanting What’s Best for Our Kids

Something has been bothering me since the start of this new school year, and I would like to share my concerns and hope to gain a better insight. I also wish to learn what, if anything, can be done to resolve this dilemma.

The fifth grade of the elementary school my daughter attends is not issuing textbooks to the students.

I've had conversations with the teachers, exchanged email with the principal, and have talked with some other school district employees. And even after all these communications, I'm still not quite sure of the reasons behind the decision not to issue textbooks. I can't help but believe this is a cost-saving measure and not a decision based on our children's best interest.

One reason cited for the decision not to issue textbooks to the individual students is that they want to encourage our kids to use additional resources. They don't want our kids relying too heavily on a textbook. They want the kids to know how to look up information outside of a textbook. All fine and dandy, but what is wrong with their knowing how and using a textbook too?

Another reason mentioned is because they are using a new, advanced, hands-on curriculum and the textbooks are outdated. To that… I say buy new textbooks that are up to date.

I've also been told that this decision is so that we can encourage thinking outside the box. That we've raised a society of middle-managers and need to encourage more creative thinking. Great! But I still don't get how not having individual textbooks is going to help that.

Before school started, my sister told me that her child's school was not issuing student textbooks. No individual textbooks, just a classroom set that can be checked out! I was appalled and thought what kind of a school would try to teach students without books? What a surprise it was to learn that our school district is doing this too. Is this a trend? Are there others?

I believe most of us are reasonable people and open to change. We want what is best for our kids, and oftentimes change is for the better. This is one change however that is difficult for me, and I am very curious how other parents feel. Please share your comments. Perhaps together we can uncover the truth and come to a better understanding. Thank you.