Teaching Appreciation

I sure wish parenting were easy (how many times have I said that?), or that there were a manual or Google search with all the answers. But it isn’t always easy, in fact very rarely so, and there’s no such place to find the magic solution. So much of it is luck and experience. And… it helps to have good kids.

And I do have good kids. Bright, responsible, fun-loving, happy, healthy, considerate… need I go on? But there is one area with room for improvement that bothers me, and it’s not just my kids, but a lot of today’s youth suffer from this one lack of refinement.

Appreciation.

Don’t get me wrong. My kids really like gifts and privileges, and will occasionally almost squeal with delight as a recipient. But truthfully, many of today’s youth feel a sense of entitlement, and while they like their “stuff,” they don’t necessarily appreciate it. There “stuff” comes to them too easily.

Maybe it’s the times. After all, each generation works hard to improve their standard of living and increase their buying power. Consumerism is pushed through marketing and advertising, much geared towards our youth, arousing our kids “wants” of the latest game or gadget. And as parents, we often feel guilty if we don’t succumb and give our kids what their peers already own. We want our kids to have the latest style clothing, shoes, telephones, i-pods, etc. But that’s just foolish. And it isn’t doing anyone any favors.

So how do you teach appreciation?

Kids ask for things all the time, material items or not, but things that come too easily aren’t valued. I struggle with saying “no” and have written about that before, but saying no can actually be good for our kids, as it makes them appreciate those “yeses” much more.

But it’s more than even saying no. It’s about giving our kids accountability as they grow and develop, and to provide the goodies and gadgets as reward, for their work and for taking the initiative to help out. This gives our kids a clearer perspective of the proper worth of the item or action.

Proverbs 13:24 says “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.” Discipline is not only punishment for correction, but also includes activities that advance or improve skills; training. Saying no sometimes and giving our kids responsibilities is showing love, and it teaches appreciation.

It’s wonderful to give our kids gifts and pleasures, and even more so to see their faces light up in sincere appreciation and thanksgiving.

Deliberate Contemplation

Yesterday I enjoyed a little outdoors. I pulled a few weeds from around some of the vegetable plants, and took pleasure in the fresh air, good dirt, and sunshine. I didn’t pull nearly all the weeds, but a few of the larger offenders anyway, and more for enjoyment versus actually making any progress. It was truly to take a break from my busy day.

The great outdoors, the quiet, the peace – I love it! Certainly not a luxury I experience often. Hectic schedules, multitasking to get everything done, and electronic intrusions (smartphones) are more the norm around here, and I suspect for most people anyway. Life is so busy and fast-paced. And it’s really a shame.

I wonder what all this busy-ness is doing to our kids. With all the technology, gadgets, and devices they are growing up with, will they even know how to relax? Fully scheduled calendars, vibrating smartphones, uploading photo’s to Facebook, and doing homework between texts is unfortunately our kids “normal.” Certainly all this new technology makes being connected much easier, but what’s it doing for our downtime? Do our kids even have any downtime?

It is good to slow down, and even stop now and then. To be quiet. Listen. Observe. And to feel connected.

The story of Martha and Mary in Luke 10:38-42 says it best:

Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”

I confess, if Jesus were my guest, I would probably be more like Martha. Jesus is here, I would think, I must prepare a magnificent meal. And only the best would do. I would get busy searching my pantry and garden for the freshest foods available. I’d wash the fine china to serve the meal. Then I’d cook, using only the finest ingredients. And like Martha, I’d be very jealous of my sister, who wasn’t helping, but chose instead to spend time with Jesus.

But that’s just it. Mary chose to spend time with Jesus. And it’s our choice too what we do with our time. Perhaps we should learn from Mary, and let go of our anxiousness and troubles, our busy and hectic lifestyles, and listen for and draw closer to God. Throughout his life, even Jesus took time to be alone in prayer. Sending his disciples ahead of him or retreating to a mountain, He would often withdraw to pray. His life is an example of how we are to live ours.

Today’s lifestyle doesn’t lend well to teaching our kids how to slow down or relax. Rather it’s all about multitasking and achieving more in less time. So as parents, it’s up to us to live our lives as examples. This means spending less time worrying over what is left to be done, and more time in stillness and deliberate contemplation. Not an easy task in everyday life, but one well worth the effort.

The Importance of Church for Kids

I’m glad that I’ve taken my kids to church on Sundays since they were babies. Now that they are pre-teen and teen, it’s expected that on Sunday mornings we will attend church, except for the rarity of being out of town, having to work, or someone in the family being sick. And I’m so glad that’s the case for a number of reasons.

Obviously, the biggest benefit is that we worship God together as a family. Which is what church is for, the worship of Almighty God. It’s not about me, it’s not about you, and it’s not about hearing a sermon so that you or I can feel better. It’s all about glorifying God, and it’s nice to do that in fellowship with my family.

But more than the obvious, I am so lucky that my kids don’t argue about going to church, whereas someone who hasn’t taken their kids to church might have a hard time dragging them there at this age. Their kids may fear the unknown, and worry about not knowing the bible, the church traditions, or even what to expect in the service. And they may dread the boredom. After all, these youth think, how could church be anything but boring?

But it IS anything but boring. My family loves church (kids included)! It’s where we go to fill ourselves with the word of God. To learn how to live our life amidst all the growing troubles in the world, in our communities, and in our lives. Where we can fellowship with other believers, who also experience trials and tribulations, and who love us and accept us no matter our short-comings. (So despite church not being about making us feel better, it’s invariably one of the many positive side-effects).

And a real blessing for my kids is being able to relate to other kids who are also learning Christian values through Sunday school, and for my oldest, through a weekend youth retreat each year called Conclaves. These weekend camps are organized and led by youth, specifically for middle and senior high school kids. They learn and grow in their love of God and one another through small group discussions, and they enjoy leisure time, adventure opportunities, and even a concert.

My kids are comfortable attending church and even weekend outings with area youth. It will be up to them what they do with their spirituality when they are older and on their own. As adults, they will decide whether or not to attend church (I rarely attended church once I was an adult until I had children of my own). But at least they have a foundation on which to thrive, to build and base their decisions. That’s about all I can give them.

God Cares Even for the Smallest Details

Isn’t God amazing?

I know and love some unbelievers. I would like to be able to tell them stories of huge miracles in my life, proof positive that God exists. Mountain-moving miracles that confirm God beyond a doubt. But I can’t.

But I CAN tell stories of small miracles, and that’s one of the things that amazes me about God. God cares even about the small stuff!

Let me elaborate on one such small incident.

Recently my daughter was upset with news regarding a youth group church camping trip, and learned that she would not be attending the same weekend as her friends from church. (Small stuff I know, but pretty big to a teenager). There was nothing we could do to fix it. She registered early and was able to attend the only weekend she was available. Unfortunately the rest of the group registered late, and the weekend was full. They would have to attend an alternate weekend.

There were just two solutions I could see: 1) go individually, meet new friends and make the best of it; or 2) cancel and stay home.

But God saw it differently. God rearranged the pieces and solved the puzzle in a manner that is complete and beautiful, because he made it possible for the whole church youth group to go together. God made it possible for the camp to accommodate more kids, thus enabling her entire youth group to go together.

Small stuff, I know. But it just goes to show that God cares even for the smallest of details. God’s love is truly amazing!

Where do I Draw the Line?

Being a parent isn’t always easy; heck, it’s rarely easy. Especially, I think, when we talk about teenagers. One challenge is knowing where to draw the line between letting kids make their own decisions (and mistakes), versus stepping in and laying down the law. Here’s an example.

My oldest daughter, God bless her, is focused on and determined to get as much college completed in high school as possible. This so she will have less time needed to complete her education after high school, thus saving her parents lots of money in tuition, and lessening her need for student loans, etc. And whatever else may be her motivation (she’s a very private person), she is strong-minded and resolved. She attends an Early College High School.

The curriculum and homework by itself is enough to be rigorous to most kids, but she also participates in competitive gymnastics. She is a level 7 optional gymnast. Which means she practices – a lot!

It is the combination of both that is my worry, as it is too heavy a load. Staying up until 2am to get it all done isn’t the answer, as she is becoming more and more sleep deprived, and I worry that she will injure herself or become sick. So as a parent, where do I draw the line?

I admire her tenacity to get a good education and I feel proud that she is so dedicated. And while I don’t think gymnastics is as crucial as her education, it is still important. She’s building strength, flexibility, and coordination, and it is a physical release for her of some of the stresses in her life. She also LOVES it.

So how do I respond to this situation when I see the toil this heavy load takes on her life? Do I suggest she go to an easier school that will still provide her a good education? Or do I tell her to back off of gymnastics and not worry about her competitions? Do I insist in one or the other? Where exactly is that parenting line – where I let her make her own decisions versus where I step in and make the decision for her?

I want to be a supportive, loving parent that does the right thing for my kids. I just wish it were easier to know exactly what that is.

My Kids Can’t Have Everything – Learning to Say No

As much as it is important that our kids learn the lesson that they can't have everything, I think that is an equally important lesson for me (and other parents). My kids can't have everything. Let's face it, most of us would do anything to give more to our kids and to enable them to be involved in the activities we all deem so important.

Our desire for our kids is strong. We want them to be socially accepted, get and have the same things as their friends, wear new clothes, have the latest gadgets, participate in extracurricular activities, become well-rounded, and have the same opportunities as their peers.

Now these are tough economic times. And I'm at the point where I am working in essence three jobs to keep our current standard of living – which isn't much of a standard if I say so myself. It's all about paying for the kids activities and needs. My husband and I have essentially put our needs and wants on hold, which I imagine is far more common than some people would have you believe.

Recently, I said 'no' to my daughter's request to add soccer to our already busy schedule. She had assumed we would acquiesce to her playing soccer since she has played for the past several seasons. But we did not. We've decided not to add another activity, rather we are asking that she choose between her current activity of karate, or soccer – but she isn't doing both.

And she nearly cried because she loves them both. And of course, I want her to be able to do both, but I really need to be firm on this one for a couple of reasons.

First, adding soccer simply makes life far too busy, and we've been doing it for years now. Every spring and fall she signs up for the recreation soccer team and she has a blast. And I have to admit, we enjoy going to the games also, watching her play and grow in her skills, and in socializing with the other parents. But, adding practice one or two nights a week and a game each week on Saturday is completely impractical (I did previously mention three jobs, didn't I?). It's just too much.

Secondly, the cost. While soccer is relatively inexpensive compared to other choices kids have today, it still isn't free. And after the modest registration/sign-up fee, you still have the cost of soccer cleats, shin guards, ball, etc., unless we get lucky and one of the items still fits from last year. We don't usually get that lucky though. Plus the costs of providing snacks for the team when it's your turn.

So, while this is hard as hell for me, I plan to stick to my guns. I think saying no to your kid sometimes is harder on the parent than on the kid.

I often say that kids get too much today, but I don't think the blame can reside solely on the kid. They are young and learning the ways of this world. In their innocence and hope they ask for lots of things they want. That's natural. But it is us parents that don't say no that we should blame. I wish I could give my kids the world, but the better gift to give might just be the realization that nobody gets everything.

Letting Go - Kids Under Construction

One thing I think everyone can agree on, parenting is hard work. Oh, sometimes you'll see someone who is a natural when it comes to parenting; they seem to always have the right answer to every dilemma that presents itself and the perfect solution for familial harmony. I remember my Aunt soothing my infant baby so effortlessly – a natural if ever I saw one. And some parents know just how to instill responsibility in their children – almost instinctively.

But they are the rarities.

As with many folks, my experience with parenting has been learned on the job, and frankly, I've made some mistakes. Sometimes I come out the wiser, but other times it's a lesson needing relearned. And one of the most difficult aspects of parenting for me is letting go.

Let me explain.

If kids just came with a guarantee, that would be swell. Guaranteed to grow to a ripe old age, stay healthy, with no broken bones and scraped knees, no problems with drug abuse or worries about crime – well, parents would be free to let their kids do and go just about anywhere (they would still need to look out for their spiritual health, but that's for another discussion).

This may sound crazy, but I remember the first time some neighborhood kids came to the door asking if my kids could go outside and play. Up until then, I had scheduled all of their play dates. It threw me for a loop and I believe I even stuttered. My kids go outside and play? With other kids that I didn't know well (we were new to the neighborhood)? Without me? But I did let them go out and play.

I think it's important to let go. Let them live and try not to be too overly protective – you know, swallow that lump of worry and try not to fret. Kids are still under construction, and it's important they have real life experiences.

So I do let my kids go to sleepovers and weekend camping trips. They can walk or ride their bike to school, play outside, and generally do most of the things I did growing up, with some exceptions to accommodate for this different day and age.

But this most recent experience of letting go is harder. One of my kids is going away this summer. To camp, far away, and for two weeks. As the time draws nearer, I can't help but think about how much I will miss her and how much I will worry. I'll worry if she packed everything she needs, if she's feeling OK, and if it's warm enough or too hot. I'll wonder if she's made friends and is having fun. I'll fret about whether she's eating well, if she took enough money, or if she experiences difficulties at the airport.

And I will celebrate when she comes home.

Ultimately, I know this is a good and tremendous growth experience for her and I am delighted she is going. And bottom line – I trust her and I know she has a good head on her shoulders.

I wish her a wonderful time!

Choose Words Wisely - A Parental Responsibility

In his post, Guard your children's spiritual growth, Author Rick Warren shares how the words we use make a huge impact on our children, and can either hurt or heal. This is an excellent post on our responsibility as parents to be mindful of the words we choose when speaking to our kids. We can build up or we can tear down, and it's important we choose words that affirm our kids and let them know they are loved and valued.

Here's the link. . .
Guard your children's spiritual growth

I welcome your thoughts and comments.

Christmas International House - Day 9; Stressing

Day 9
I hate to whine, really I do, but I’m afraid that’s what's happening today. It’s back to another tension filled short holiday work week. Another short time span to get the full week of hours in – yea me.  What’s more, I even plan to take one workday off this week to partake in the CIH program activities.

Since I’m shortening my 3 ½ day work week to 2 ½ - 3 days, I start work today around 7:00 a.m., stopping only to take Ren Zhe to the drop off point, then back to work. I’m happy today’s program includes both a lunch and dinner for the students at different churches, freeing me to work a little later.

The International students take a Blue Bell Creamery tour, then spend a fun-filled day riding go-karts, playing mini-golf, and more.  The church hosting their evening meal provides Mexican food and a piñata for the students to break open afterward. Ren Zhe brings home a piece of candy for both my daughters from the piñata.

While I love the CIH program, I wonder about future participation as it feels we’ve been so busy. And since I feel I’ve been neglecting the kids, I’m very grateful for the Wii the kids received at Christmas. Hmm. Not feeling like a good mother.

Christmas International House - Day 7; A New Bear to Love

Day 7
We are now one week into the CIH program and getting to know Ren Zhe very well. She is bright and funny, and we all love having her around.

Call us daring if you will, but today we brave the crowds and take Ren Zhe to the mall. Well, almost all of us do. My husband opts instead to stay home, as he isn’t much of a shopper and particularly not on a busy day. But alas, the crowds aren’t all that bad and we find some super bargains.

Ren Zhe experiences Build-A-Bear for the first time as my youngest uses a Christmas gift certificate to create a new bear to love.

Christmas International House - Day 2; Freedoms

Day 2
OK, I’ll admit it. I’m already beginning to question how I’m going to get my job done. During our CIH student’s two-week stay, my husband and I both still have to work. Somehow, I’ve got to get five days worth of work done in three days because of the holidays, and also take time to drop off and pick up our student at the various planned events. What was I thinking when I signed us up for this?

I take Ren Zhe to the drop off point, a 50-minute drive without traffic, and a $6 toll, each way. Fortunately, the students’ schedule is long today and includes dinner at a church, so the rest of the day is mine to work.

It proved worth every minute, as we all enjoyed hearing Ren Zhe’s accounting of her day. They toured NASA and got to meet an astronaut who has been to the International Space Station and will be going again very soon. Considered a celebrity in China, it is a special event indeed to meet and speak with an Astronaut for Ren Zhe.

I ask Ren Zhe is she has siblings, and learn she is an only child. China has a one-child policy. I had heard that before and should have remembered, but it seems such a foreign concept to me – having a government policy in place that says how many children you can have.

I feel lucky and blessed to have the freedoms we enjoy in our country.

Wordless Posting - Pics of Live Nativity

Live Nativity - A Holiday Stress Buster

Continuing with the theme of my last post, I offer this as a holiday stress buster. While true this is still something to do, it's meant to result in your taking the time to reflect on the true meaning of this season. And it's fun and free, and the weather looks to be perfect.

Woodforest Presbyterian Church hosts its annual live nativity, tonight, between 6-8pm. It's your chance to dress as a shepherd or angel and participate. The stage is set for the holiest of nights, complete with stable, live animals, Mary, Joseph and the babe. Refreshments are served.

Woodforest Presbyterian Church is located at 15330 Wallisville Road, at the corner of Black Rock and Wallisville in Houston, Texas.

Perhaps one of the best ways to bust the stress of the season is to be intentional. Read this "Holidays or Holy Days" post by our church pastor, and please share your stress busting thoughts in the comments.

Kids are a Lot Like Cats and Dogs or "But That's Not Fair"

There are cat people and dog people, then there are those that love both. I fall in the latter category, loving both cats and dogs (and birds, and hermit crabs, and fish, and . . . well, you get the picture. But that is another post). The funny thing is, you may love cats and dogs equally, but you care for them differently. And rightfully so, as they have very distinct needs.

Kids are a lot like cars and dogs. No, not just in the ruckus that often results when put together, particularly in close quarters. Rest assured, even though cats and dogs are supposedly mortal enemies, they can learn to live together in harmony, and so can your kids. But even with the same parents and consistent environmental influences, kids can be very dissimilar.

My own, for instance, are both girls with brown hair. That just about ends the similarity. One likes to dress up and make herself pretty, the other is more comfortable in a pair of torn jeans. One eats a well-balanced diet complete with vegetables of all colors and textures, while the other prefers a diet rich in carbohydrates and sugars. One prefers pushing herself for individual bests, while the other enjoys contributing to team efforts. Should I go on?

The point is, they are each individual and thus, I treat them differently. One child might need more reminders and dare I say "nagging" to get things done, while the other might be more of a self-starter. How many times have I heard, "but that's not fair" or "but you let my sister."

Truth told, if being fair means treating your kids the same, then I'll admit it, I'm not fair when it comes to my kids. I don't always treat them alike, and I do allow liberties at varying levels. But what is fair is how much I love both of them. That's what I want them to know more than anything. That even when things don't feel "fair" and they feel life (and their mom) is treating them unequally - the love I have for both of them is immense. I guess that's about the best we can do as parents.

A Service Project - Cookies and Goodnight

Like most everyone I know, I've donated items, helped with food drives, and contributed monetarily to worthwhile causes. I've very proudly espoused my daughters' service endeavors too, like Locks of Love ponytail donations and Lake Houston cleanup efforts. But this most recent event gave me a very meaningful one-on-one experience of handing the “gift” directly to the recipient.

Our Brownie Girl Scout troop recently participated in a program called “Cookies and Goodnight” at the Star of Hope in Houston. The Star of Hope is a Christ-centered mission dedicated to the homeless. They offer a comprehensive approach to addressing both immediate (food/shelter) and long-term (education/employment) issues of the homeless. “Cookies and Goodnight” is a program whereby volunteers provide an evening snack for the residents living at their Transitional Living Center.

Because we volunteered and served on a Saturday, there were many residents absent on weekend passes. Others were attending classes, so we didn’t have the expected 250 or so residents show up for the evening snack. What we did have though was a tremendously grateful and appreciative group of mostly mothers and children.

The “thanks” we heard were sincere and plentiful. These people so appreciated our cookies and milk, some of them coming up and asking for a second serving. Something so simple meant so much to them, and it made me mindful of my own abundance and blessings.

As we gather together with family and friends across the country this Thursday to celebrate and give thanks, let us not forget those less fortunate. I’m glad to have participated in this program, particularly that my kids were able to share the experience, and I look forward to my next service opportunity. Happy Thanksgiving! What are some of your most meaningful volunteer experiences?

Family Fun at the Texas Renaissance Festival

This past weekend my family and I attended the Texas Renaissance Festival in Plantersville, TX. According to their website, it is one of the nation's largest and most acclaimed renaissance theme parks. I believe it, although I can only compare it to King Richard's Faire in Carver, MA, as these are the only two renaissance theme parks I have visited. Both are a blast!

Expensive though, the price rivals a Disney park. However, when I asked the kids later which they enjoyed more, the renaissance festival or Disney World, the answer was a resounding, "I don't know."

So, there you have it. The Texas Renaissance Festival offers a fun-filled day of excitement and pretend, royalty and peasants, entertainment and shopping, and more. And it's a day that rivals Disney World in family fun (but not all attractions and shows are necessarily kid-friendly at the festival).

I sure hope we make the Texas Renaissance Festival an annual tradition!

BTW - The crowds were sparse this year compared to prior visits and I wonder if that was due to the weather or the economy?

Making the Most of Your Parent-Teacher Conference

Having just completed a parent-teacher conference, these tips are fresh in mind to help make the most of your conference time.

• First off - go. I've heard some parents claim they do not need to have a parent-teacher conference because their child is doing so well in school. It may be true that you won't have a lot to talk about then, but not going at all sends the wrong message to the kids (and their teachers). Schooling your children is a joint effort between teacher and parents, so at the least, the parent needs to show up.
• Talk to your kids first. Find out if they are experiencing any problems at school, whether it be in the classroom or outside, or if they have any questions or concerns.
• Make a list. Write down questions you want to ask the teacher as you think of them and prior to the conference, then take the list with you. The teacher has set aside this time to talk to you specifically, so make sure you get all your questions answered.
• Be on time. I can't tell you how many times I've had to wait for my conference because the teacher was behind schedule. This is usually due to someone being late for a conference earlier in the day, setting the whole schedule behind.
• Make an action plan if necessary. Make sure you leave the conference with a clear understanding of any action you need to take at home to reinforce your child's learning at school.
  

Like most of us, teachers are busier than ever. Planning in advance will help maximize your time, as well as the teacher's, helping to ensure the best education for your child.

What are some of the things you do to prepare for a parent-teacher conference?